Grief and Loss
Grief and loss is something we often think about when we have lost a loved one. However, grief and loss encompasses all kinds of loss, such as divorce or separation, being laid off, retirement, moving, and illness. In saying this, it often allows a person to understand that these experiences, like death, carry a great amount of emotion. Therefore, the process of dealing with grief and loss can occur during significant times in our lives when we encounter what we had is now gone.
The Process of Grief and Loss
If the stages of grief were to be identified, it could look something like this:
Denial: a time when the shock of the loss is so real, that there can be a desire to continue on as if nothing has bhanged, and emotions may not be readily acknowledged.
Survival: a time when one realizes what he/she has lost. The emtotions can be very strong at this time; feelings of sadness, anger, or guilt. The intensity of these feelings can be so energy draining, that we go into "survival mode" to ensure continuing on.
As you may notice in the diagram, the circles overlap, which shows that these stages are not done in order, but can overlap and flow over each other. The important thing to remember when going through this is that there are strategies you can develop for nurturing yourself through the process to promote healing and growth.
Nurturing Yourself
- Self Care
Self care means looking after you physically, emotionally, and mentally.- Exercise: swimming, yoga, going for walks, or even booking a massage can all be part of your self care plan
- Pampering: go golfing, light candles and have a bath, listen to calming music, treat yourself to dinner, or get your hair done.
- Hobbies: hobbies are often useful at these times, as they get us concentrating on something else for a period of time. Hobbies can include knitting, puzzles, movies, crafts, or playing the guitar. Giving yourself a mental break from what you have just experienced, can lessen that overwhelming feeling.
- Reaching Out: talk to your family or friends, and let them know how you are feeling. If you would like to do this on your own, there are things like journaling or art that can be used to express feelings as well.
- Rituals
Culturally, rituals are a big part of death, for example, funerals or wakes. Rituals can also take place outside of the formal process, as well as with other losses that occur. It marks a significant progress in the life of the person. Think about what type of ritual you could establish to acknowledge your loss. Some ideas could be to create or find a picture or symbol that helps you acknowledge the loss but look towards the future; lighting a candle of hope; or spirituality. - Accepting Support
We as humans are meant to live in a community where we can turn to others for support during these times. Family and friends may be the first people we turn to, and it is okay to accept their support. As well, there may be other resources in your community that can be accessed, such as counselling or support groups. No matter what, grief can be a lonely time in a persons life, so to accept support is to engage in the healing process.
Click this link for information on Helping the Bereaved.