Sex Addiction

What is sex and love addiction?

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) believes sex and love addiction is a progressive illness which cannot be cured but which like many illnesses, can be arrested. It may take several forms - including but not limited to a compulsive need for sex, extreme dependency on one person, and/or a chronic preoccupation with romance, intrigue, or fantasy.

Sex Addiction can involve a wide variety of practices. Sometimes an addict has trouble with just one unwanted behaviour, sometimes with many. A large number of sex addicts say their unhealthy use of sex has been a progressive process. It may have started with an addiction to masturbation, pornography (either printed or electronic), or a relationship, but over the years progressed to increasingly dangerous behaviours.

The essence of all addiction is the addicts' experience of powerlessness over a compulsive behaviour, resulting in their lives becoming unmanageable. The addict is out of control and experiences tremendous shame, pain and self-loathing..

Sexual preoccupation takes up tremendous amounts of energy. As this increases for the sex addict, a pattern of behaviour (or rituals) follows, which usually leads to acting out (for some it is flirting, searching the net for pornography, or driving to the park). When the acting out happens, there is a denial of feelings usually followed by despair and shame or a feeling of hopelessness and confusion.

Is compulsive sexual behaviour a disease?

In general, we should recognize compulsive sexual behaviour as an unhealthy state in need of treatment. By definition, there is nothing healthy about a compulsion - no matter what the compulsive behaviour happens to be.

So what causes compulsive sexual behaviour?

Compulsive sexual behaviour has been strongly linked to early childhood trauma or abuse, highly restricted environments regarding sexuality, dysfunctional attitudes about sex and intimacy, low self-concept, anxiety, and depression. Contrary to popular beliefs, sexually compulsive individuals are not over-sexed in the sense of having high sexual desire. For many, they describe the sexual act as a "fix" to the feelings of anxiety and depression. This relief is short-lived and negative feelings reoccur - compelling the person to seek relief again.

A Useful Tool for Self-Assessment

Answer these twelve questions to assess whether you may have a problem with sexual addiction.

  1. Do you keep secrets about your sexual or romantic activities from those important to you? Do you lead a double life?
  2. Have your needs driven you to have sex in places or situations or with people you would not normally choose?
  3. Do you find yourself looking for sexually arousing articles or scenes in newspapers, magazines, or other media?
  4. Do you find that romantic or sexual fantasies interfere with your relationships or are preventing you from facing problems?
  5. Do you frequently want to get away from a sex partner after having sex? Do you frequently feel remorse, shame, or guilt after a sexual encounter?
  6. Do you feel shame about your body or your sexuality, such that you avoid touching your body or engaging in sexual relationships? Do you fear that you have no sexual feelings, that you are asexual?
  7. Does each new relationship continue to have the same destructive patterns which prompted you to leave the last relationship?
  8. Is it taking more variety and frequency of sexual and romantic activities than previously to bring the same levels of excitement and relief?
  9. Have you ever been arrested or are you in danger of being arrested because of your practices of voyeurism, exhibitionism, prostitution, sex with minors, indecent phone calls, etc.?
  10. Does your pursuit of sex or romantic relationships interfere with your spiritual beliefs or development?
  11. Do your sexual activities include the risk, threat, or reality of disease, pregnancy, coercion, or violence?
  12. Has your sexual or romantic behaviour ever left you feeling hopeless, alienated from others, or suicidal?

If you answered yes to more than one of these questions, we would encourage you to seek out additional literature as a resource.

How is a sex addiction treated?

Various treatments have been utilized. Some view this as a psychiatric condition and treat the condition with a variety of medications. Others have adapted methods of treating alcohol addiction stressing the importance of self-help groups modeled after Alcoholic's Anonymous as an addition to individual therapy.

It appears the most effective approach is a multi-modal one combining biomedical, psychological, education, and client-centred methods.

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Web Sites

Books on Sex Addiction

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