If anyone asked me if I’d ever been bullied, I’d say no. I think most teenagers would say the same thing. When I first started 8th grade, one of the popular senior girls picked me as a target and would glare at me in the halls or make intimidating comments. One time in a joint gym class we were playing tag and she told me if I tagged her, she’d punch me in the face. I never knew what I had ever done to her but I certainly never thought what she was doing was bullying. She was older and cooler than me and so she made sure I knew it. She still scares me, if I’m being honest.
The worst form of harassment and cruelty I saw through my high school years was when a girl I know got a video of her having sex spread across every high school in town. Everyone I know has seen the video. I don’t understand how people could know it was wrong to spread this around and decide to take part anyways. I heard stories of her walking into school and being screamed at to leave by all the other students… but she was strong enough to fight back and stand up for herself. She’s popular and holds power and I think in the end it all turned out alright. She’s one of the strongest people I know and I am so glad, because if she wasn’t, she’d be one of the young girls you’d hear about on the news, who took her own life as a result of bullying.
When I think of bullying, I think of picking on someone who is unable to fight back. When we have Anti-Bullying Day I think of instances like when someone able-bodied and neurotypical teases or harasses someone with autism, a disability, or mental illness, for example. I can think back to a time when a boy with autism had a crush on one of the more popular girls. Everyone was encouraging him to ask her out, knowing he would be rejected. This boy didn’t know he was being bullied, which is all the more upsetting. That is something I would label as bullying – and did.
Bullying children with disabilities still happens, and it’s usually in the form of mocking them. Most people I know are much too comfortable doing this. Much like they’re too comfortable using slurs. It’s sad that with all the progress we have made in the world this is still so common in high schools… but the people who know it’s wrong voice their values strongly and fight back. I see this happening more and more and I stand by it.
The reason the lines around bullying aren’t clear and distinct within my age group is because it’s common in high school for people to have beef with each other. It’s so common for people to hate each other and set out to intentionally ruin the other’s life. It’s cruel and not right, but it’s normally mutual.
Physical fights between people still happen occasionally. Again, because it’s usually between two people of the same age and peer group, it’s not seen as bullying. We assume it’s a mutual problem between two people. Fighting with each other and talking trash is a way of life for high schoolers. We don’t think in terms of one person being vulnerable and one person having power over them. We see ourselves as essentially equal in power to one another.
The definition of bullying is seeking to harm, intimidate, or coerce someone who is perceived as vulnerable. I think to educate kids and adolescents about bullying, we first must educate about what creates vulnerability. For example, having few friends at school makes you vulnerable to those with a large, vocal social group. Being unable to speak up for yourself makes you vulnerable to those who are cruelly witty. Coming from a lower socio-economic status makes you vulnerable to the rich kids who think they are better than you. Wearing outdated, worn clothing makes you vulnerable to those who believe that having brand name clothes makes them better than you.
In an ideal world, we would all have equal power and the ability to defend ourselves against those who torment us. But in high school, there is an invisible power imbalance between those who have confidence, money, intelligence, friends, and social standing, and those who lack these things.
It’s not always as simple as, “You should just stand up for yourself.” Too many children and adolescence don’t have the confidence or the courage to speak out. This inability to defend themselves makes them vulnerable.
On the Red Cross Website, it is reported that 49.5 percent of students surveyed had been bullied online. Between 4-12 percent of boys and girls in grades 6 through 10 report having been bullied once a week or more. Over 80 percent of the time, the bullying happens with peers around. In 57 percent of the time, bullying stops within 10 seconds when a bystander steps in. This research shows how important it is for us to speak out when we see bullying behaviour.
Despite campaigns like the pink shirt Anti Bullying Day, research shows that fighting behaviour has increased in the last ten years, especially in grades six to eight. As many as 18% of boys and 8% of girls report having been in four or more fights in the past year. To learn more about bullying, you can go to Facts on Bullying and Harassment - Canadian Red Cross.
To end bullying, we have to get better at recognizing it and identifying those who are most vulnerable. More people have to be willing to intervene when they see it happening. There’s a website for anyone wanting more information about what to do if you think you or someone else is being bullied. Go to https://www.bullyingcanada.ca/get-help/. There is also a help line you can call at (877) 352-4497 or text (877) 352-4497. It’s important to talk with someone if you are scared to go to school or if you are being hurt.
Author: Kaylie Owston