Self-Care includes Community Care – Part 1
Self-care has become something that is a priority in our individualistic society. We have become accustomed to taking care of ourselves, or there is “something wrong with us”. Being in control of our emotions is paramount and is often accomplished through self-care. True and false. We have a responsibility to understand ourselves, to become aware of our triggers and reactions to big emotional moments, so that we can stay connected to others in our lives and feel like we belong and are safe to go through those emotions.
What are triggers and big emotional moments? They are moments of “trauma”. Moments of change. When there is a sense of fear, like when we have to move, start a new job, a new relationship, experience a death of a loved one, or say good-bye to our best friend because they are moving; this can be understood as the grief and loss process. Those moments are described as stress, anxiety, depression, and overwhelming emotion where there are too many feelings to understand or describe. We are more complex, our feelings more complicated, than what self-soothing through self-care can prescribe, process, or heal on its own.
What is self-care? Many of us think of walks in nature, a bath, eating healthy food and drinking water. We may think of massages, time to ourselves, reading a book, writing, music, dance. What I propose as self-care is being aware of what we need when we are feeling overwhelmed. Understanding what brings us joy and purpose. Recognizing where we begin and others end. In other words, understanding how the outside world is affecting us and how we react to those big moments.
As much as we wish that a bath, walk in nature, and “me time” could take all the worries and stress of the world away, it can’t. We also do not live in silos, nor were we meant to. We are a social species. We are wired to reach out for help, find ourselves, and develop our identity through learning from others’ stories. Even if you had the time for all of the self-care in the world, you would find yourself still reacting to people with anger, envy, or hurt. Subconsciously reacting as victim or perpetrator to moments of conflict, or even love. When was the last time you said a simple thank you to a compliment and really felt that compliment as truth?
Your self-care is important. Your awareness of when you need it even more so. Also recognizing when you need to reach out for help and, more importantly, recognize when to provide help. Staying connected is a huge intrinsic part of self-care. Denying the importance of others, the need for being a part of a community that you can share and learn with, is denying your honest nature. The self is empty without others. Safety only happens when someone holds a safe space for you. Healing is only revealed in those vulnerable moments when you open, trust and believe that someone cares.
What is community care? Well, we will explore this further next time.
Laurel Collins, MA Indigenous Studies
Walmsley EFAP